"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " Philippians 1:6

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sugar Coated Cupcakes???

If you have followed any of our other adoption journeys or my personal blog for long, you have probably anticipated at least one reality post from me. You know, the one that doesn’t sugar coat too much of it!

So this is the one. As I hear these comments such as being referred to as “Supermom” and “The lady with a big heart” I have to remind you that I am as imperfect in the mom, wife, friend and all other departments just like anyone else. Just with all my imperfections, I am desperately trying to live my life with reckless abandon for Him!!! I also hear often that I am crazy and my response these days is “Yes, I am crazy! CRAZY for Jesus!”

Is this adoption all frosting and sprinkles on yummy cupcakes? NO, the reality is this is hard. While I am literally on an island right now physically, I often feel like I am on one emotionally right now as well. However, my faith in Christ and believing with my whole heart that not only did He follow me here, He directed this path to Gracie Mae. I read Exodus 3 the other night and reminded myself that even in China I am standing on Holy Ground!!!!

And yes, at times usually in the quiet of the night, I succumb to the “what ifs” in regards to her designer genes. But once again, I remind myself that God brought us together. This is His plan and not mine nor Roberts. I am learning to trust Him like I have never trusted in the past.

What if Gracie proves to be more challenging behaviorally than she has so far exhibited? What if Gracie becomes more difficult with age?

God will give us the wisdom and tools to press through, but a better what if is what if Gracie proves to be just who she has over the last week?!?!?!

What if our older children become embarrassed or don't love her like we do or like they do the other littles? I have spent much time in prayer over this and my heart tells me that everyone who meets Gracie will love her as I think it is impossible not to, but if one of our older children has a difficult time with it then I am also at peace that God will change their hearts. It is not my responsibility to govern their hearts. My hope is they will grow and just love as I have.

What if Robert doesn’t love her like I do? I remind myself of the man who fought for her when I fell prey to weakness while caring for his terminally ill mother and when we lost my brother-in-law all while waiting for Gracie to come home. Robert has been steadfast since the day he committed to Gracie Mae and I know that will not change once we are home.

As for Gracie, she truly is as amazing as she appears on your computer screen. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry tears of humbleness. She makes me dance. She makes me want to live life with more spontaneity. She is my girl and I am indeed in love once again! Cupcakes with sprinkles anyone????


Nancyh said...

Oh Sally you are on "what if alley" let's see Lauren was a "diamond in the ruff", Marissa "the boss" Bryson the "bravest little soldier" Gio "the smartest little guy" and now we have this "delicious little cupcake". As the other have all come to love each other the older ones and you and Robert the same will happen with ths little cupcake, remember who her parents are Sally & Robert the best parents I know, they have unconditional love for all their children and each other. LOVE.

Duchess of Lanier said...

Your spirit is showing. And so is hers.
Wishing you continued joy and wishing her the ability to inspire the hearts of others to love.

Christine said...

Just catching up Sally! I am so excited for you! Gracie is so adorable.

Tammy said...

Hi Sally! I just read all your posts and caught up with your travels to get Gracie! She's adorable and I'm so happy for you!! You are traveling with a family that my sister knows from her previous trip to China. They are Suzie and Doug, adopting Seth. Anyway, if you're still with them they may have something small for you to bring home to give to me so I can give it to my sister. How's that for a small world!?! Have fun with your precious girl and I'll be praying for safe (and peaceful) travels home. :)

Shelly said...

Love this post! God can only use us in our weakness, and in surrendering to Him! Thank Him that we don't have all the answers! I struggle with all of the what-if's alot, too! Satan wants us to believe that life can't possibly be good when we step out in faith and do something that the world doesn't understand. Yes, there will be challenges and new struggles that we haven't faced before, but God has brought us to this point of obedience, and He will be faithful to be with us every step of the way!
OHHHH, I'm just so disappointed that we couldn't bring our Gracie's home together! We might need to meet on the Oregon coast SOON with our girls!
Following your journey has been a tremendous blessing in my life, and to many of my friends who have been reading along, as well! Praying you home... you are getting SOOO close!
Hugs to you!

Annie said...

You have touched my heart and many more, I am certain. No what ifs there! The Lord is with you and your beautiful Gracie Mae and He will NOT leave you!!!

Susan P. said...

I know the feeling of being stranded alone on an island emotionally...until I met you and the small handfull of other women who's hearts hurt so badly for orphans with special needs. You are such a special gift to me.


Sherrie said...

Very beautifully written Sally. I have 8 children, I love all of them differently, but I love all of them the same. Each one of my children has something about them that I absolutely adore, that is how I love them differently, but my heart is full for each of them. You may not be perfect, but you sure are an inspiration. Hugs to you, wish I was on that island with you :-).

Julee said...

I just found your blog via RR yahoo group! I am LOVIN reading up on your newest adventure and look forward to "knowing" you more! We have PA for a DS toddler girl in Gaungxi and can not wait to get her home though we do not even have DTC yet...we have two other DS kiddos at home and also had a DS son who died a few years ago. we are a large family too with kids from all over. Gracie is adorable!! i am praying, praying prayin we are allowed to add #2 DS child to our "Elsie PingPing" adoption, I look forward to following the rest of your journey

Jenn said...

Just found your blog through RR. Wow-she is just adorable!!! So happy for you guys! I adopted my little girl with DS through Hong Kong 6 years ago. Such a journey and adventure. Many prayers!

Sarah said...

Yes...she does appear to be amazing!! Wish I could meet her in person.

Christian said...

All the what-ifs hit me in the middle of the night too. I lay awake wondering, hoping and worrying. Last night was bad with the what-ifs but then a thought came to my mind to stop worrying and have faith. Faith that it will all work out. I'm sure it will all work out for you too. You are doing what He wants. Following the path He has lead you to. It will all work out.

You are so inspiring to me and I'm glad I get to follow your journey with Gracie so I can get thru the what-ifs too and by seeing how she is, so full of love.

Karen said...

I love your transparency. You do have a beautiful cupcake and I am sure that you family will fall in love with her just as you have. I can't wait to see your 4 littles together. Oh to be a fly on the wall during their conversations.....:-)

Adeye said...

Oh my friend.....if I could hug you in person right now, I would. Boy do I understand every single thought you shared. I too have felt them at one time or another on our journey to adopt our angels. It makes it even more challenging when you're sitting on the other side of the world, and your loved ones are here. I understand that too. It is hard. I have a feeling that once you are home...every doubt, every concern, every fear will be GONE! You'll see how much your family just adores Gracie JUST THE WAY SHE IS...and you will know that you know that everything is going to be better than fine.

She is going to bring everyone such joy....I know it. Our girls make us smile every day, simply because of who they are! A gift to us.

Hang tight---you're almost home, my friend.

Scrappy quilter said...

Sally girl, you will always have those feelings at one time or another. I'm not saying everyday, however they will come. I think they are God's way of showing us how to become even more dependant on Him and Him alone. She will make mistakes, we all do. There will be those who scoff at your adopting her...there always will be. And yes there will be family that have a difficult time accepting. Yet you know this is and was God's perfect plan for you and Robert and for Gracie Mae. Hold on to that for dear life when the day might not be has planned.
hugs and prayers