Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sugar Coated Cupcakes???
If you have followed any of our other adoption journeys or my personal blog for long, you have probably anticipated at least one reality post from me. You know, the one that doesn’t sugar coat too much of it!
So this is the one. As I hear these comments such as being referred to as “Supermom” and “The lady with a big heart” I have to remind you that I am as imperfect in the mom, wife, friend and all other departments just like anyone else. Just with all my imperfections, I am desperately trying to live my life with reckless abandon for Him!!! I also hear often that I am crazy and my response these days is “Yes, I am crazy! CRAZY for Jesus!”
Is this adoption all frosting and sprinkles on yummy cupcakes? NO, the reality is this is hard. While I am literally on an island right now physically, I often feel like I am on one emotionally right now as well. However, my faith in Christ and believing with my whole heart that not only did He follow me here, He directed this path to Gracie Mae. I read Exodus 3 the other night and reminded myself that even in China I am standing on Holy Ground!!!!
And yes, at times usually in the quiet of the night, I succumb to the “what ifs” in regards to her designer genes. But once again, I remind myself that God brought us together. This is His plan and not mine nor Roberts. I am learning to trust Him like I have never trusted in the past.
What if Gracie proves to be more challenging behaviorally than she has so far exhibited? What if Gracie becomes more difficult with age?
God will give us the wisdom and tools to press through, but a better what if is what if Gracie proves to be just who she has over the last week?!?!?!
What if our older children become embarrassed or don't love her like we do or like they do the other littles? I have spent much time in prayer over this and my heart tells me that everyone who meets Gracie will love her as I think it is impossible not to, but if one of our older children has a difficult time with it then I am also at peace that God will change their hearts. It is not my responsibility to govern their hearts. My hope is they will grow and just love as I have.
What if Robert doesn’t love her like I do? I remind myself of the man who fought for her when I fell prey to weakness while caring for his terminally ill mother and when we lost my brother-in-law all while waiting for Gracie to come home. Robert has been steadfast since the day he committed to Gracie Mae and I know that will not change once we are home.
As for Gracie, she truly is as amazing as she appears on your computer screen. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry tears of humbleness. She makes me dance. She makes me want to live life with more spontaneity. She is my girl and I am indeed in love once again! Cupcakes with sprinkles anyone????